Letters I never sent
by s2LaDolceVita
Summary: Rin Kagamine has a dark secret. Shes insanely in love with her brother and its tearing her apart to the brink of suicide. But one night she musters up the courage to confess to him, and thats where it all goes horribly wrong. SAD-ONESHOT!


_"Come back, Please come back to me"  
_  
I dotted the last period of the letter and exhaled a sigh as I carefully folded the paper into three sections. I placed it along with the rest, it was beginning to pile up. How many letters were there? 90,100,110.…I never had the heart to send them. When did it all begin? When did I start taking pills just so I could feel less like an insomniac at night? Len, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean what I said at all…..  
________________________________________________________________________

"What the hell is up with you lately Rin?" My brother, the golden haired perfection, asked eyeing me from across the dining table.

"N-nothing, what makes you say that?", I replied, hoping he wouldn't notice how I couldn't look at him.

"Don't lie to me Rin. You're my sister, I know when you're lying."

"I don't know what you're talking about!" I yelled at him, slamming my fists onto the wooden surface and stormed away.

Actually, I did know what he was talking about. I closed the door to my bedroom and locked it knowing he'd follow me. You see lately, I had been distant around Len. I stopped talking to him as much and gave short answers when he'd try to talk to me, I avoided his gaze, I even went out of my way to avoid even the slightest body contact with him. Why? Because I, Rin Kagamine, was madly, insanely, masochistically in love with my brother.

I was afraid. I was so afraid that the slightest touch from him would crack me open, shatter my façade into tiny pieces. And then… he'd see what a freak I was. What an ugly, twisted, freak I was underneath it all, and he'd be repulsed, he'd recoil back at the sight of my true intentions and he'd push me away. I didn't want to lose him, and because it'd break my heart into a million shards if he ever found out who I really was, I pushed him away first. The people at church say it's a sin to love your own brother. I know it, but I can't help myself! He's the shining Adonis in comparison to a dark and weakly thing such as myself. I was just hoping that maybe, he'd shine some of his warm light on me.  
"Len, its cold. Its so cold…"  
But I'm not good enough for him. My love would only taint his pure heart, it would destroy him piece by piece, like a hidden and fast consuming disease. So I can't tell him.

"Rin! Let me in!", I heard him shout, pounding on my door.  
Lets just end it. A love like mine is too dirty for this world. The sunlight coming in through my window reflected a silver glint of a small pocket knife on my desk. Grabbing it, I contemplated what I was about to do. Just for a moment, I wanted the pain in my heart to lessen. I lay on the floor, the tears running down the side of my face, feeling the warm sticky sensation of the liquid traveling down my cold skin. As the tears ran rapidly down, I only saw a blur of crimson everywhere, pooling on the cool wooden floor.  
"Rin! I'm going to break this door down if you don't let me in!"  
"Goodbye Len" I whispered to myself, a small smile presenting itself on my face.  
The darkness felt good for once. I heard a loud noise and my name being called, and the last thing I saw before utter and complete blackness was his face, my brother, my love.

*******************  
Warmth. It feels so nice. Someone's holding my hand. Where am I? Its so bright here.  
"Rin!"  
I opened my eyes, looking back into an identical pair of azure blue.  
"Len?" I managed to weakly choke out  
"DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!" he yelled as eyes widened in shock.  
My usually calm brother never raised his voice at me. Never. But in an instant, his eyes softened once again and his tone became gentler,  
"I'm sorry, you just..you just scared the living hell out of me. I thought..I thought I lost you Rin."  
He gave me a tight hug as I lay on the hospital bed. His scent was enough to bowl me over.  
"I don't know why you did what you did, but Rin you can tell me anything, you know that"  
"Len..I can't"  
"Why not?" he pleaded with his eyes"  
I just…You'd think I was a freak, Len"  
"How can you be so stupid?! You can tell me anything and I wouldn't think of you any differently than the perfect girl that you are Rin"  
"Really?" I asked, the hope welling up in my voice  
"Of course…I..I love you Rin"  
"……Really?" I asked once more  
"You're my sister, how can I not?"  
"Oh…" I replied, the disappointment began to wash over.  
"But if you have anything to tell me, anything at all, you can tell me Rin" Len said squeezing my hand gently.

********************  
So that's how I found my way here, waiting on the park bench at sunset with his favorite foods I made all packed neatly in a bento I spent all day preparing. Tonight was the night, the night all the past torturous years of keeping my deep dark secret was freed. Tonight was the night I was going to confess to him.

"I hope Len likes the food" I thought to myself, holding back a small nervous giggle.

But sunset turned to dusk and dusk turned to night but there was no sign of Len anywhere. All I saw were strangers and other couples holding hands.

"Where are you Len?" I whispered again.  
The night was starting to get cold and I hadn't even brought a jacket. I wrapped my feebly arms around myself in some effort to get warm. But the hours passed and Len was not coming.

********************

Dejected I made my way home, and slowly opened the door to the house.  
"Wha--"  
I dropped the bento I made for Len, the contents of which splayed across the floor with a loud cantankerous noise. There on the couch of the living room, lay my brother and some green-haired witch making out.

"R-r-rin!" My brother cried out in shock.  
"How..how could you do this to me?!" I screamed at him  
"Rin I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Its not that I meant to stand you up, its just that Miku---"  
"MIKU! MIKU MIKU MIKU!! What does she even mean to you?! Do you like her? More than your own sister?!"  
"No! It's not like that at all Rin! Just listen to me, please!"  
"I don't want to hear it! You can go to hell, I don't want to see your face!"

I ran up the stairs in tears, and slammed the door to my bedroom. I heard him pounding at it, yelling at him to let him in, but I wasn't going to. It had happened, my brother had broken my heart and now it couldn't be repaired. I sat there on my bed, rocking myself back and forth, going slowly insane with the hurt, I covered my ears not wanting to hear his voice outside my door and began to scream my heart out, hoping to drown him out, drown the whole world out.

"RIN!!!" he yelled, and with a loud bang he again knocked the door down to my room (it was much easier since he had done it before).I felt his arms cradling me but I didn't want to be touched by him. I pushed him away with all my might, making him fall onto the floor.

"GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY ROOM! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU, I HOPE YOU DIE!"  
Then I stepped over his body and ran out of the house. I was running away from everything and most importantly I was running away from love.

********************  
"Honey, are you ready?"

I felt his arms hugging me from behind and his lips lightly grazing the side of my cheek. A slight smile lit my face.

"As ready as I might ever be, darling." I replied as I grabbed the letters.

He smiled at me and took my hand, gently squeezing it, and lead me out the door.

********************  
Eventually after a week I came back to the house, hoping I wouldn't see Len. I didn't have to worry, when I got home I found a letter on my desk.

_" Dear Rin,_

_I never meant to leave you alone. You see, Miku came to me crying and broken from having split up with Kaito and she needed a shoulder to cry on. I told her I had to go see you but she sat down on the couch anyway and I couldn't leave her alone. You know I don't have the heart to do something so cold. I thought I only talked to her for 30 minutes but I guess it must have been hours. Next thing you know, she forced her lips on me and that's when you came in. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I hope you'll understand. I'm too ashamed to face you right now so I've signed up for the army. When you see this, I might already be gone. When I come back, I'll be a man you can be proud of. And Rin, theres one more thing I never had the heart to tell you, but I guess I should tell you now, I love you…more than a sister and I always have._

_Love,Len"_

********************

I held the arm of my husband as I stepped out of the car, my bundle of letters safely in my hands. I never had the heart to send them, but now I knew I had to. He would be happier this way. I stood in front of the tombstone and couldn't help but have a stray tear run down my cheek, after all these years it still hurt to remember the words that flashed on the letter I had read 10 years ago: **We regret to inform you that Len Kagamine has been killed in action.**

"I'll finally let go of you Len. I….love..you" I said as I laid the bundle of letters I had written over the past 10 years upon his grave.

I felt my husbands consoling arm on my shoulder and I looked up at the sky. For a moment, I swore I saw Len smiling down at me. He was the love of my life and he always will be. Things are going to be alright.

THE END.

_______________  
**_A/N  
I hoped you liked it! Ahh but I only have the heart to make one shots for vocaloid fanfics. Anyway Please feel free to review! It'll be much appreciated ^^_**


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